My dad died when I was ten
Abandoning us into poverty’s hand
With nothing left in his name
The poor widow will shoulder the blame
There was nothing to tide us by
I saw our family and friends slip by
Those who stood there on the funeral day
Became strangers who quickly turned away
I didnt like my dad when he lived
He made sure I knew there was a rift
Little memories remain of his better days
That changed when he fell and he hit his head.
A quiet boy who saw his dad transform
A man once respected to one forlorn
His seriousness turned to a childlike glee
That turned it’s evil intentions solely on me
I saw anger and his cruel delight
When he laid his hands with all his might
All sixty years of a man’s strength
against an eight year old ‘s feeble resistance
The fist and hand, landed everyday
Making me hate the day I was made
I questioned why bring a child into the world
That you never loved and only wanted to hurt
I endured the hate and violence reserved for me
No adult came no authority
The tears I shed turned deeper into hate
That I finally kicked him back one day
I cried to God, my mother and all
But it seemed this was for me to endure
Hate at home and shame at school
I thought of ending the young life I knew
Two years of this I endured
Being beaten, shamed and felt so small
Until the day when everything changed
When my mum told us he had passed away
His heart had stopped so it seems
It couldn’t muster another beat
Years of toil from heavy food and wine
Had made it shorten it’s expected time
The joy and relief I felt that day
Still echos within me in many ways
I only thought that I would be free
But didn’t see the world that was soon to be
Poor and hungry we were the scorned
No food or water or light in our home
Tired and hungry and putting on a brave face
Led me questioning my life, my God and faith
Then came the men like vultures circling high
The widow was meal in their ravenous sight
Making promises to me to get to her
To have their way and leave without a word
I distrusted so many things from that day
Men, promises and hope for a better day
And It took me so long to reflect and heal
But through the grace of God I finally did.
Now I am older and a dad of my own
I show love and treasure my flesh and bone
They will never know the pain and hate
That tore my life apart when I was eight
I now forgive him for what he did
Some say he did not know, his head was hit
But what about the pain that I endured
Was there no way to have a recourse
I know now that I can only heal when I can love
The scars remain to show what was endured
No justice sought and no debt to claim
I surrender it all in the Lord’s name
My dad died when I was ten
But I think I’ve become a better man
The cycle of hate will not repeat in me
Its gates will remain shut endlessly